There’s something in the air. I can feel it. As the year goes by, the rush of heat entering Britain creates, what is it, an atmosphere. For a long time it was just a heat wave, a time when everyone started complaining again (having just finished complaining about the snow). Engaging in conversation with anyone, the weather wasn’t a sign of shared interests, it was the only interest around. I’m sure that it is how it will be in later life, surviving the commute to work, lunch breaks getting coffee (recyclable cup of course) dominated by discussions musing nostalgically back to the heatwave of spring 2018.
Recently, this heatwave, both the transition and continual presence of warmth, has symbolised something else. On the surface, exams, the hard rigour of testing coming around once again. On a deeper level, the heat has associated itself with the need to perform well, not only in education but life as a whole. The summer period is one of change, where influential pathways can be opened or closed. I’m not sure how much of this is my imagination. You hear of people connecting a physical object or event with a state of being, even if the link seems non-existent. The metaphor then, of warmth reflecting change and the time for performance must be slightly psychological. The fact five days a week I am surrounded by others also in this journey, edging nearer to the next stage of life, is certainly physical. Yet I doubt we are all thinking the same things about the desire to perform. This reflects a topic of interest dominating my thoughts, the relationship between the individual – the most basic, simple part of a human – and wider society, the rest of civilisation. How do we fit in? Where is the balance between individual privacy and freedom of information? Do we put ourselves under, sometimes, intolerable levels of pressure to please ourselves or others? Many great philosophers – Locke, Wollstonecraft, Mill, Webb – have attempted to find an answer to this. Alas, I have none. Much of this anticipation, the gradual build-up to exams and the future is, morbid though it sounds, due to the short amount of time we are on this planet. I want to make the most of my time here, be happy and, for me, that is found through hard work, throwing myself into projects (such as this blog, which brings me far more happiness than anyone will ever know) and achieving. This weather could be the physical justification I have given myself, to accelerate the level of performance and hard work in the expectations of rewards in the summer. As I have previously mentioned, university hunting is currently occupying a large chunk of my brain’s thoughts. I have become a judge, questioning and assessing every single aspect of institutions. Forget Ofsted, the most dedicated, picky, ruthless prospective student could write a whole dissertation containing detailed advantage and horrors of every university they visited. I not only have to worry about the quality of the course and whether I can obtain the required grades, but must stress about finance, searching for the best supermarket deals, sign up to societies by the dozen, tackle transport, non-exploitative landlords and being away from home. All while having a great time and continuing to grow up. Already, before I have started any application form, I am aware that any university I eventually attend will open up so many pathways. I also know dozens, millions, an eternal amount of paths will be bulldozed away because of the universities I choose not to attend. This deep thinking may not be deep at all. Instead, I might just have an intolerance for the heat. Baking in the sun, completely detached from reality may suit some, but I’d rather have a mild city, full of culture, architecture and exploration. The weather is a true fulltime obsession of the Brits. If it doesn’t fulfil our expectations (as it never can), our mood is transformed, even if the weather represents nothing psychologically in our mind. As I conclude this blog, nearly a week after beginning, the weather has changed again. It’s colder, wetter, duller, the BBC weather reporter scouring for synonyms between broadcasts. You may expect me to be happier, more content. Not fully. I look forward to exams finishing, the chance to relax and see extended family during the June half term. But I am aware that more work will then commence, unlike the upper sixth, free from pressure for months. I realize this blog hasn’t concluded very much. I suppose that reflects the uncertainty, lack of clarity morphing itself over me. Perhaps that is just one of the bedrocks of life, whether I’m 16 or 61. The weather certainly is.
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